When I look at my life as a whole continuity the pattern of inner death and rebirth stands out. I’m not talking about ritualized symbols. I’m not referring to any version of Christian —or any other religion’s— use of these terms to indicate conversion from sin to grace. I mean it in terms of immediate lived experience.
Some events in life are so powerful and transforming that confronting them means we are not able to continue life as before. From this comes the possibility, the need of rebirth. But without a basic change of the habitual flaws, the recurring mistakes, we are stuck with the same old Phoenix-like pattern.
Crash and burn. Until ???
I see myself very much in these terms. No amount of ingenious acting hides or compensates. For a long time now I have worked at really seeing myself . Next comes the deliberate —intentional— burning up of those selves.
No less pain , but far more clarity.